30 Day Snap #15 | Church & Change

Church is very important in my life. I go every Sunday, I have been since I can remember. And it was my Grand-mother who showed me how important it is to have faith. And I've gone through so much, believing that God was punishing me, but I do accept all the bull crap that's happened to me, my life could be much worse... so I thank God for how I have such friends and family, and a home where I feel safe in.

Church is a place where you can just think and talk to the ones we've lost, and I find it so tranquil listening to the choir in a church... I love the natural echo that is carried out around the chapel.

Seeing by this photo, I went in early before Mass, just to say a few prayers and light a few candles. I came across a simple, lovely prayer by the candles. And there I admitted that I need to learn to get over my pride and selfishness at times... I need change in my life. I want to smile more. More than i used to. And so when I think of this prayer, I think of how lucky I am, and how many out there aren't.

"Lord, may this candle be a light,

for you to enlighten me in my difficulties and decisions.

May it be a fire

for you to burn out of me

all pride, selfishness and impurity.

May it be a flame

for you to bring warmth into my heart

towards my family, my neighbours, and

all those who meet me.

Through the prayers of the Mary Virgin

and Mother and St. Anthony. I place in

your care those I come

to pray for (especially.................)

I cannot stay long with you

in this church:

In leaving this candle

I wish to give you

something of myself

Help me to continue my prayer into

everything I do this day.

Amen"

30 Day Snap #4 | Scrap book of my Grand-mother

Hey guys,

 I hope everyone is enjoying the terrific weather.

Well I decided to choose this as my 4th day snap because it's a project that means a lot to me. I'm hoping to make a little memory scrap book of my Gran who passed away last February. It'll contain some of my favourite pictures of her, letters that she sent, and I'll include the most precious memories I have of her. She was a very important person in my life, and I don't want to regret that i didn't do this. just in case I forget certain memories.

I like the idea of looking back and smiling remembering the exact moments or stories.

I just love looking back at old letters and pictures :)

Have any of you done the same, by making a little memory book? Or do you have any other ideas of what I could do?

My Experience with Loss

Everyone loses someone very close to them at some point in their lives. And it's with dealing with this loss that helps us transform us into the beings we are. Now I can only talk about my own experience and how it has affected me in my life. I lost my Grand-mother (Granny, as I called her) back only a few months ago, February 24th 2013. And it was unexpected really. She had been diagnosed two years ago, with Multiple Myeloma, a type of cancer that is found in the plasma cells, that is found in the bone marrow. After finally beating the cancer last year, it returned last January. This was her 5th time getting cancer.

My Mum had me at a very young age, and so she had to work, as well as my Dad. My Mum moved away with my little brother to Dublin, for her new job and my Dad traveled with his work. So I was brought up with my Granny and Granddad. My Granny was sent home just days before she died, because we were told there was nothing that could be done for her. I sat by her side everyday talking to her as though everything was ok. The last strength she had was when she squeezed my hand and to this day I'll never forget it. Her hands were warm as they normally were. I didn't feel afraid when she died, I was glad she was done with her suffering, but the shock and tension in the room was so over-powering. I cried just the once that morning, and I think I depended on other people for distractions. I wasn't ready to say good-bye to the woman who was more of a mother to me. And denial is what everyone goes through at first, with grieving.

I felt only shock and disbelief at her funeral. I didn't even think to glance at her coffin, it seemed to me like any other mass. Only when seeing my Mother and Aunts cry, tears would start streaming down my face. And I realized I had to be braver and stronger for them. I think it's selfish to think about only yourself at a time like that. I was needed else where for my Mum, and it's with this determination that helped me deal with her loss. I have such faith in that she is looking down on me, or that she is near me, that she can hear and see me. I want her to know that her family take care of each other, and that this makes us stronger. Knowing that we have people in our lives who look out for us. To feel alone in this world has to be the most scariest thing I imagine. How else would we get by each day? How would we smile and laugh? It's the people that we love and who have inspired us that shape us into our actual selves. I'll always remember the good times I had with my Grand-mother, I'll remember the stories she told me, and with these memories, they'll help me day by day.

I plan on making a dairy that will contain the most precious memories I have of her. And hopefully one day, I can tell future family members, nieces and nephews, what an extraordinary person she was. My Granny never complained in how much pain she was in, for the fear of upsetting me, well, I in return will do the same for her. I will not let her see me cry every night, I will show her how happy I am, how thankful I am for life. All I want is for her to be proud of me and in doing so, by living an adventurous and happy life as she did.

Just know that there are Councillors that deal with grief and are very helpful. Don't try to deal with it alone, because it'll be a life sadly wasted. Be courageous and ask for help.