My 21st Birthday | Fear of Age

This cake will last for ever. Enjoy it with a cup of tea.

My new watch

Hello everyone, it's been a LONG TIME!

I've been on a break, away in Mauritius and getting some last minute assignments done. Only 7 more weeks till I'm finished with College. And that will be the day I jump up in the air (in public) shouting for joy.

Saturday was my 21st birthday and honestly I've been repeating it to myself, 21, 21, 21!! And it just doesn't sound right! (In my head I'm Peter Pan)

Like come on! I actually don't feel like I've been alive for 21 years :D

Have I accomplished much? Well not really. Nothing in my mind that would categorise me as an adult. I don't live on my own, I can't drive, I choose NOT to drink! These things sound as though I'm afraid to grab life and lose myself within it. I've discovered more about myself over the last 3 years. The good and bad.

I'm meeting new people and figuring out what friendships really matter.

Why do we fear of growing old?

Responsibilities: As teenagers we depend so much on others, whether it's our parents or our teachers. We look at them for guidance. But now having to go to college and working at a part-time job I'm realising this is all for me. It's not like my parents can hand me over a degree.

I myself am afraid of failing. I've failed with so many things in my life, and it's all down to cowardice. I let myself believe that I was unlucky but the truth is I've never pushed myself to do the best I can.

My aim: Try my best!! It will be me crying at the end of the day if I don't give it my best shot. For instance this summer I want to learn properly how to drive. I dread the idea of me behind a wheel but sure I can't be any worse than my mother ;)

Caring for others: Letting ourselves care for others is hard because we fear of losing them. Whether they (putting it down bluntly) die or break ties in the relationship with you. My own personal problem is trusting someone. This also counts for not only new friends but family as well. There's members in my family that do not deserve my trust.

My aim: To let my hair down and just be myself! I appear so shy to others that they don't know the real me. My close friends know what I'm like (a complete nutter they say) but it took a long time to gain their trust. I simply just have to risk it, to risk my happiness, otherwise I will remain lonely for a very long time.

Purpose in life: Do we have an actual in purpose in life? Do we have a destiny? I at times used to believe I was put here on this planet for a reason, but not so much anymore. My life is so unpredictable. 2 years ago I never imagined myself to be living over here in England. Sometimes we fear that what is the point of us being here. When we're depressed or sad we feel afraid and angry at life. We fear that we may be moving on with life too fast or too slow.

My aim: Since my life is so unpredictable it scares the living day lights out of me. Will I get into Uni? Where will I be living next year? When will I ever be returning back to Ireland? Will I actually find a guy that will put up with all the bullcrap I carry? I just want to take one day at a time. Be happy when I can. If I get excited over something that is planned and then them plans are changed then I will be disappointed so... so from now on I will live in the moment.

So on to the happy moments of my 21st.

Well since the day before I had been awake for 44 hours (assignments my dear friends & lots of coffee that led me to shaking furiously in college) and working in the restaurant afterwards I decided to have a lie-in on my birthday. I got my first birthday wishes from my mum and a wonderful friend of mine Peachy (The randomness of unicorns) who is also a mother of two. They are truly such inspiring women that I hope one day I will be as an amazing mother as they are.

I relaxed for most of the day, giving myself a facial and watching my favourite shows. I believed no one in my house to remember it was my birthday. However, my aunt had planned a diversion. While I was giving my little cousin a bath and washing her hair, my aunt had decorated the house and my uncle had arrived back saying that they were taking me out for dinner. Chinese, my favourite food.

At night, while I was skyping my mum, dad and brother my cousin jumped out of the study room with a cake all lit up with sparklers. She had chosen the cake, the gifts and the decorations. She went with pink, which is hilarious, seeing as it's one of her favourite colours, not mine! Haaa!

My favourite pressie was this lovely, simple, sterling silver watch, with a little diamond inside.

One of the wonderful things was seeing some of my closest friends on facebook put up some pretty hilarious photos. Photos of which I didn't think they had. Embarrassing but in my opinion REMEMBERABLE!

Sadly I will have to wait to celebrate my birthday when I get back to Ireland. I never had an 18th birthday because I didn't want to celebrate it with my Granny being sick but dear mother is hoping to celebrate this milestone.

Does anyone else fear of becoming older? And why? What do you tell yourself that helps you realise that getting older is a gift in life?

Lots of love,